Having fights and tension between burdened internal parts is JUST as common as having them in your actual family system!

While managers and firefighters are both protective parts— they handle the pain of our vulnerable parts VERY differently. Managers try to be proactive and preventative…..but when the pain of our wounds inevitably seeps into the system, our firefighters go to town trying to make that pain go the hell away. They often make a big mess and impact our functionality and relationships. Managers get pissed about this as they’re all about protecting our dignity and our image.

Both managers attempts (i.e. control, predict, shame, criticize, avoid, people-please, micromanage, leverage religion) to prevent from feeling our wounds, AND firefighters attempts to suppress the pain from our wounds (i.e. binge, use substances, rage, self-harm, sabotage, shop, act out sexually, abuse) have good intentions behind them— all while bringing a lot of harm to ourselves and others.

Because these protective parts have very different approaches, they are almost always in disharmony about it. This internal opposition can be called “polarization”. When you get to become more acquainted with your inner family, you will see just HOW MUCH polarization is there.

The path to reducing the warring from within is for these parts to get to know each others intentions, and be attuned to and led by Self (which is your essence that is outside of the trauma and wounds of the parts). As these protective parts unburden, they will take on wonderful and necessary roles in your internal system, and work together, not against each other.